The most absurd misheard lyrics of all time

"Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, put your hands all over my body"

Picture this: you’re down the front seeing your favourite band with a group of mates (a fading memory, we know). It’s time for your song. You belt the lyrics at the top of your lungs, look around to your bezzo for that perfect moment of unity, only to see a confused look in their eye. “You what?” they say. It’s at this moment, you realise, the rest of the crowd is singing something entirely different. Could it be that you’ve had the words wrong this whole time?

You’re not alone, friend, but we’re here to help. We’ve rounded up some common, ridiculous and obscure misheard lyrics to avoid looking red-faced at the festival.

Oasis – ‘Wonderwall

Here’s hoping that  Aunty G had kept her insurance up-to-date.

Misheard Lyric: “Back Beat the word is on the street, that there’s a fire in your aunty’s house”

Correct Lyric: “Back Beat the word is on the street, that the fire in your heart is out”

Jason Derulo – ‘Want to Want Me

Poor Jase, he clearly needs some Imodium.

Misheard Lyric: “I got the shits on the floor”

Correct  Lyric: “I got the sheets on the floor”

Sinead O’ Connor – ‘Nothing Compares 2U

Who doesn’t want to? A red sarong is de rigeur dinner attire.

Misheard Lyric: “I can eat my dinner in a fancy red sarong”

Correct Lyric: “I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant”

Nancy Sinatra – ‘Jackson’

The band name is itself a misheard lyric of Nancy Sinatra’s ‘Jackson’. The perfect example of owning your mistakes.

Misheard Lyric: “We got married in a fever, hotter than a prefab sprout”

Correct Lyric: “We got married in a fever, hotter than a peppered sprout” 

Madonna – ‘Erotic

Who would have thought that Britain’s favourite twitcher was such a dirty birdy

Misheard Lyric: “Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, put your hands all over my body.”

Correct Lyric: “Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body.”

Kings of Leon – ‘Sex on Fire

From foreplay to word play. This one’s funny on several levels. 

Misheard Lyric: “Dyslexics on fire”

Correct Lyric: “Your sex is on fire”

B52s – ‘Love Shack

Either those are very anti-social party goers or they’ve got one hell of a messy kitty cat!

Misheard Lyric: “Litter on the front porch/Litter on the hallway”

Correct Lyric: “Glitter on the front porch/glitter on the hallway”

Saint Jhn – ‘Roses

Well I guess they must have given him the horn. Whatever floats your goat.

Misheard Lyrics: “I was in a porno with a bag of screaming goats”

Correct  Lyrics: “I walked in the corner with the body screaming dolo”

Prince – ‘Purple Rain

One of the many rumours surrounding The Purple One was that he kept his mum in the garden.

Misheard Lyrics: “Maybe I’m just like my mother/she’s never sat inside.” 

Correct Lyrics: “Maybe I’m just like my mother/ She’s never satisfied”

Missy Elliot  – ‘Get Ur Freak On

Mine’s a 99 please Missy.

Misheard Lyric: “Get your free cone”

Correct  Lyric: “Get your freak on”

The Libertines – ‘Arbeit Macht Frei’

But they’re such wholesome lads!

Misheard Lyric: “I blame McFly”

Correct Lyric: “Arbeit Macht Frei”

Sam Smith – ‘Leave Your Lover

Sam Smith wishing he’s gone for a mini milk instead of the lemon sorbet. 

Misheard Lyric: “Suck my milk maid sour free”

Correct Lyric: “Set my midnight sorrow free”

Loser – ‘Beck

Call the RSPCA. Beck’s not just a loser he’s a doggy feeder.

Misheard Lyric: “So, I overfed the dog”

Correct Lyric: “Soy un perdedor”  (I’m a loser in Spanish)

Simply Red – ‘Holding Back the Years

Who knew those ginger curls were really just covering up Mick Hucknall’s  jug ears.

Misheard Lyrics: “Holding back the ears”

Real Lyric: “Holding back the ears”

Sister Sledge – ‘We Are Family’

This assault with office equipment on a man of the cloth comes courtesy of Peter Kaye.

Misheard Lyric: “Just let me staple the vicar.”

Correct Lyric: “Just let me state for the record.”

Little Mix  – ‘No More Sad Songs

Get those girls to a Carphone Warehouse.

Misheard Lyric: “No more Samsungs” 

Correct Lyric: “No more sad songs”

Lil Nas X – ‘Old Town Road

Where I’m from that’s illegal.

Misheard lyric: “I’m gonna take my horse to a hotel room/I’m gonna ride till I can’t no more”

Correct Lyric: “I’m gonna Take my horse to the old town road/I’m gonna ride till I can’t no more”

Selena Gomez – ‘Good for You

Selena’s singing about the sweet smell of success. Doesn’t she know money is the root veg of all evil. 

Misheard Lyric: “I’m farting carrots”

Correct Lyric: “I’m 14 carats”

Olivia Newton John & John Travolta – ‘Summer Nights’

Does he mean clogs?

Misheard Lyric: “I’ve got shoes, they’re made of plywood”

Correct Lyric: “I’ve got chills, they’re multiplying”

Kesha – ‘Cannibal

Either is a bit disturbing

Misheard Lyric: “I am cat nipple”

Correct Lyric: “I am cannibal”

Pink Floyd – ‘Another Brick In the Wall

Thunder pants takes on the educational establishment 

Misheard Lyric: “We don’t need no fart control”

Correct Lyric: “We don’t need no thought control”

C+C Music Factory – ‘Gonna Make You Sweat

Music for the zombie apocalypse.

Misheard Lyric: “Every body dead now”

Correct Lyric: “Every body dance now”

R-Kelly – ‘I Believe I Can Fly

Let’s face it, he believed he could get away with a whole lot more than that. 

Misheard Lyric: “I believe I can touch this guy.”

Correct Lyric: “I believe I can touch the sky”

Alanis Morissette – ‘You Oughta Know

Stealing peoples’ toys is really not on… unless done ironically, don’t ya think.

Misheard lyric: “It’s not fair to deny me/ the cross eyed bear that you gave to me”

Correct Lyric: “It’s not fair to deny me of the cross I bear, that you gave to me”

Carl Douglas – ‘Kung Fu Fighting

Forget Kung Fu Panda, other furry critters are getting in on the martial art act.

Misheard Lyric: “Every bunny was Kung fu fighting”

Correct Lyric: “Everybody was Kung fu fighting”

Phil Collins – ‘In The Air Tonight

Alert John Lewis, Phil’s clearly been pitching for their Christmas advert all along.

Misheard Lyrics: “I’ve been waiting for this snowman for all my life”

Correct Lyrics: “And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life”

Bob Dylan – ‘Not Dark Yet’

Nevermind Bob, they’re meant to be good swimmers.

Misheard Lyric: “My sensitive manatee has gone down the drain”

Correct Lyric: “My sense of humanity has gone down the drain ” 

Bob Dylan – ‘Blowin’ in the Wind

Bob really needs to take better care of his menagerie.

Misheard Lyric: “The ants are my friends. They’re blowing in the wind”

Correct Lyric: “The answer my friend is blowing in the wind”

Jason Derulo – ‘Wiggle

Can you have a Freudian Mondegreen?

Misheard Lyric: “Got me in the club feeling wet implants.”

Correct Lyric: “Got me in the club making wedding plans”

Portugal the Man – ‘Feel It Still

Ooh yes please. Or maybe just a toasted sandwich maker?

Misheard Lyric: “We could find a waffle feast”

Correct Lyric: “We could fight a war for peace”

Survivor – ‘Eye of the Tiger

Very wise. When you’re the last man alive, a bread shortage would defo be the straw. 

Misheard Lyric: “And the last known survivor stocks his bread in the night”

Correct Lyric: “And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night”

The Smiths – ‘Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now’

It’s poetry, man. 

Misheard Lyric: “I was happy in the eyes of a drunken owl”

Correct Lyric: “I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour”

Bruno Mars – ‘Finesse

I hear it’s lovely at this time of year.

Misheard Lyric: “We out here/trip in Inverness”

Correct Lyric: “We out here/drippin’ in finesse”

Foster the People – ‘Pumped Up Kicks

I’ve heard of kicking the bucket but not competing with one in a 100m dash.

Misheard Lyric: “You’d better run, better run, faster than my bucket”

Correct Lyric: “You’d better run, better run, faster than my bullet.”

Christine and the Queens – ‘iT’

Cant make out what she’s saying? Must be French. Even the actual lyric is confusing, though. Does she mean David Dickinson’s fear of death by orange furniture polish?

Misheard Lyric: “With it avec come the depth the kin, Sophie”

Correct Lyric: “With it I become the death Dickinson feared”

Vampire Weekend – ‘Hannah Hunt’

While sharing toothbrushes is definitely yuck, this seemed a bit extreme. But then no one should underestimate the pain of sensitive teeth.

Misheard Lyric: “Though we live on the U.S. dollar / You and me, we got our own Sensodyne.”

Correct Lyric: “Though we live on the U.S. dollar / You and me, we got our own sense of time.”

Madonna – ‘La Isla Bonita

A couple of interpretations of this one: Madge is clearly craving carbs or maybe wanting to mould some putty.

Misheard Lyric 1: Last night I dreamt of some bagels

Misheard Lyric 2: Last night I dreamt of some PlayDoh

Correct Lyric: Last night I dreamt of San Pedro

The Police – ‘Every Breath You Take

Oh no, sounds a bit stingy. I’d try Sudocrem.

Misheard Lyric: “How my poo hole aches”

Correct Lyric: “How my poor heart aches”

The Police – ‘Message In A Bottle

Really Gordon, you do need to be more careful.

Misheard Lyric: “A year has passed since I broke my nose”

Correct Lyric: “A year has passed since I wrote this note”

Adele – ‘Rolling in the Deep

What’s this? Is Adele threatening someone with a Ped Egg?

Misheard Lyric: “You’re gonna wish you, never had bad feet”

Correct Lyric: You’re gonna wish you never had met me

TLC – ‘No Scrubs

Think of one funny misheard lyric and then two come along at once.

Misheard Lyric: “A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly/Also known as a bus stop.”

Correct Lyric: “A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fly /Also known as a buster” 

REM – ‘Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight

Thank heavens for internet calls.

Misheard Lyric: “Calling Jamaica”

Correct Lyric: “Call me when you try and wake her”

John Denver – ‘Take me Home Country Road

All a bit Deliverance if you ask me… bring out the banjos.

Misheard Lyric: “West Virginia, mounting mama”

Correct Lyric: “West Virginia, Mountain mama”

Eric Carmen – ‘All By Myself

It’s OK Barack, we won’t need you now Trump’s dismantled the elf care system

Misheard Lyric: “Don’t wanna be Obama’s Elf”

Correct Lyric: “Don’t wanna be all by myself”

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