Every single character in Succession is a sinister, nasty piece of work – scumbags one and all. And yet, what you wouldn’t give to spend an evening with them, knocking back extremely expensive whiskey, munching on deep fried ortolans and trading horrible, horrible insults until one of you storms off in a huff back to your massive, tastefully done Manhattan gaff.
Thanks to being raised away from the inner circle of the Roy family, hapless Cousin Greg is perhaps the least twattish of the lot, meaning when we heard Nicholas Braun – the actor who inhabits the eager interloper with such finesse – had put out a single about hooking up in the age of COVID, we didn’t immediately recoil in horror. Well, I suppose we did a little bit, but no more than we usually would if someone says their inspirations are Blink 182, Papa Roach and P.O.D.
Because yes, ‘Antibodies (Do You Have The)’, isn’t the kind of desperately bleeding edge Pitchfork-baiting effort you’d expect from the most hipster-adjacent cast member of the universe’s most popular HBO satire about one family’s media empire. Braun could have gone IDLES-lite soft-bro punk, he could have gone bearded balladeer a la Father John Misty or even done some Orville Peck-ish country. But instead he’s delivered a pop-punk weepie of the kind you imagine Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger had their first mosh to at their ill fated wedding.
“Can you find a testing site/Before you spend the night,” croons Braun, like he’s desperately trying to secure a spot on the Warped Tour, in his Myspace 2005-perfect outfit of skinny black scarf, little knitted beanie and white vest. “If you come within six feet it’s mask on, mask on, mask on/But if you got antibodies it’s pants off/pants off/pants off.” Be still our beating Vans.
It is, of course, extremely silly, and also extremely catchy. Much like its subject matter. Let’s hope though, that coronavirus follows the same fateful path as nu-metal; absolutely massive for a bit, but then quickly fades into obscurity, never to darken our headphones ever again.