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Pixey on how a near-death experience prompted her to get into music
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Feb 9, 2025
When a rare viral disorder put her at death's door, Liverpool's Pixey knew it was time to start living her dreams. Ahead of the release of her new mini-LP 'Dreams, Pains and Paper Planes', a collection of songs that shows her breadth as an artist, The Forty-Five meets Pixey to get the lowdown on its creation.
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[Music]
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hi i'm riann from 45 and today i'm
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joined by pixie hi pixie how are you
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hey i'm good thank you how are you i'm
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great thank you um you're joining me to
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talk today about your new mini album
0:16
dreams pain and paper planes um before
0:19
we start talking about that though i
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wanted to kind of go back a little bit
0:22
to the beginning of your musical journey
0:24
um so you started making music after you
0:26
were really sick and you nearly died um
0:29
but i was wondering kind of how long
0:30
before that happened did you have this
0:32
dream of becoming a musician and doing
0:34
music as like a job
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i don't honestly like before that
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happened i don't think
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that was like ever an option at all like
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it didn't even cross my mind that it was
0:47
doable as anything more than just
0:50
i guess like having a bash on the piano
0:53
after school
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so you know and i didn't even play the
0:56
guitar so it really was not
1:00
it was just not an option at all for me
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until after that experience
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eh and i think i just had like the
1:08
realization that you know
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life's
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incredibly fragile and you don't
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a second chance usually so i felt very
1:18
humbled to have a second chance
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yeah why did you think that you couldn't
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do music before that happened
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oh basically i just like had the the
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worst
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um stage fright
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and nervousness about
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performing and around performing i used
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to get so nervous that like i wouldn't
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sleep
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if i had
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[ __ ] like if i even had like a college
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before i remember playing the piano for
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this college performance with my best
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friend
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and um i was so nervous before i didn't
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sleep for like two days and then
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literally was physically shaken when i
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went on stage like trying to play the
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piano i remember just thinking like this
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is not pleasant this is one time
2:01
but then i think i understood i guess
2:04
as the music took off after my illness
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and that stage fright something that can
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definitely be
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managed and it's not like a death now
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and
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a death toll on your career that makes
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sense
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like you can't
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learn to live with it and also
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um
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you get used to being on stage and
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interacting with audiences makes it much
2:26
easier
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yeah how long did it kind of take you to
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get used to or like to be able to deal
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with the sage right then
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um i only really got over it i think by
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the end of the alfie temperament tour
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like i mean i still get nerves every
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time i go i mean to be honest it kind of
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takes and chooses its moments sometimes
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when i think i'll be really nervous
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playing into a crowd of like 2 000
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people i'm literally as calm as anything
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and then other times when i've got like
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an intimate set to like six people
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i'm like
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breaking it
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it doesn't really make any lot of sense
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but it's very normal like i've come to
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realize you know i'm not the only one
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who suffers with it um
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and
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i think just the more you do something
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the more you i guess become desensitized
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to the situation and you can get over it
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oh yeah that was what put me off i guess
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going into music for a very long time
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um
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yeah yeah that's fair enough it's not a
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nice feeling
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so when you recovered from your illness
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when you actually started trying to make
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your own music and uh do this what was
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that kind of like for you do you
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remember the feeling for example of like
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finishing writing your first song
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yeah i remember
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because i was kind of i guess a little
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bit conventionally older to get into it
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i was 21 when i started
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playing the guitar properly and writing
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which kind of happened at the same time
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i remember just being in my bedroom
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because basically i was pretty much like
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housebound while i was recovering
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and i was so bored
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because it's not what you can do it's
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talking about gym it was like my mini my
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personal lockdown
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i remember just being in there like well
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what should i do let's
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i'll try and loop something so remember
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like looping this little
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guitar if and programming the like most
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basic piece thing i've ever programmed
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and and i'm just listening to her over
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and over again i was like oh that's so
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cool like i made that and i wrote those
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lyrics
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and and then i remember showing it to me
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mom i was like
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what do you think of this
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it's great
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there's something so i was looking on
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bbc introducing it was like
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your track might not be played for like
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six months or something because
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obviously they have a lot of tracks i
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was like
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now and then it got played on the radio
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like the next week which was so nice and
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it was such a confidence boost
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so that's really how i sort of
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got into it properly
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um how would you say that kind of brush
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with depth that you had changed your
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mindset and how that kind of feeds into
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the music that you make and kind of your
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i guess outlook on your career in music
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it completely changed everything to be
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honest before that i had like
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no
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i guess no real
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drive to actually pursue something that
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i enjoyed it's kind of hammered into me
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i guess through school that you know
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it wasn't exactly the most
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creative what's the word i mean in some
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senses a lot of people along the way
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were like really supportive of like me
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doing music but only really as a hobby i
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guess it never really felt
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like a career but after
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that experience like when you actually
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are faced with the fact that you are
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actually gonna die it's the weirdest
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thing because you are just confronted
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with everything
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that you wish well i was anyway i was
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confronted with everything i wish i'd
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done
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and then was thinking about the reasons
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that'll help me back
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and when when i was recovering i was
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thinking like you know just because
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you're shy or because you're a bit
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underconfident
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you know doesn't mean that you can't you
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can't do those things
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and
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and the more i did it the more people
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were like it was the only thing i feel
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like i've ever done that actually
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you know
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has been
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i guess good
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like
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responded to something that i've created
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and it's like
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it's incredibly
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i guess validating
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um
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but at the same time like i would never
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without that experience i would never
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have
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understood i guess how time-sensitive
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everything is and
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that you know things can just like
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change in an instant
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um and until they do you'll put
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everything off and procrastinate and
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wait because you're like i do know
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when i've you know when i've saved some
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money or when i've got a job then i'll
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like be you know whatever
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i'm very fortunate that you know with
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the time that i had and with the support
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that i had i was kind of able to have a
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second chance at what i wanted to do so
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yeah i kind of gave a new sort of like
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lens on
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on how to view
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life and i guess time as well
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do you think that experience also kind
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of like frees you from the kind of i
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guess the noise that surrounds music
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like achievements and streaming numbers
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and things like that too
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absolutely i think like
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the only time i started caring about
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that stuff was when i started actually
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like
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you know getting somewhere and then i
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was like oh but that person's doing
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better than me and whatnot but then i
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have to remind myself i didn't go into
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writing music for that i'm not you know
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i now i want to be successful because i
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realize
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it's actually doing something but it's
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definitely not the defining
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uh
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like drive for what i'm doing
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i mean you know
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you can sit there and
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look at numbers and
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and like
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i guess your reach
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but at the end of the day
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it's actually incredibly
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i think for anyone impressive just to
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reach like
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20 people or 30 people and if that means
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something to them you know
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you've outdone a thousand
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hundred 000 streams of people that just
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don't really
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engage with it you know so i think it's
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all about like the people can get how
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it's consumed and you can't take them
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numbers with you when you go
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yeah
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all you can take is that you made a
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difference or like that you did it for
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yourself you know when you're in your
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deathbed you're not going to care that
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you've got like
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a load of streams and no one actually
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you know engages
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with young music
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so i think
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it's really good to have like a lovely i
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guess like demographic of people who are
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consuming your music and for it to mean
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to them that's the main thing
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absolutely um before you started trying
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to do music on what job or career were
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you kind of aiming for you studied
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english literature at uni right oh my
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gosh like i scraped by that degree
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like
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your your writing and stuff i'm sure it
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does but tell you what like you can
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speak to my lecturers i was a nightmare
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like
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same with college i had the lowest
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tendons out for anyone i don't think it
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was ever meant for me like the academic
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lifestyle
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but um i think i just got through it
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because like my mum was so
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i guess she really wanted me to have a
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degree and my dad was like the first
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person in his family to get a degree so
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he was very much like you need this
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um
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yeah so then i just went into a career
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of music you know obviously like
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what my parents wanted but um
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i'd say like you know i worked in
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hospitality
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pretty much up until the moment i was
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just before the moment i was like
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actually considering to do music
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properly so even though i got my degree
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i wasn't finding it like you know easy
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to get any jobs or anything and to be
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honest like i never really saw myself in
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a you know i guess you'd call like a
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proper job i just you know i don't think
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i'm
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i have to be if i'm committed to
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something it's because i really love it
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um i don't think i would have settled
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for anything
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less maybe in the future maybe if this
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all fails i'll go into something
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as you said
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you know
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but yeah at the time i was going into
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this i don't i really didn't have
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anything else
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other than like maybe working in a
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coffee shop or like a
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tea room or something like that
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so
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would you say that studying literature
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and like poetry and things like that has
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influenced the way that you write your
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lyrics at all
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do you know what i
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i think actually like lyricism in songs
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influences me more than like poetry i
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mean some poetry i love sylvia plath i
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think the way she writes her poetry is
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just like is
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breathtaking
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and i mean it probably has in some way i
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don't i can't sit here and say exactly
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if it has
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but i'd say yeah more like lyricism in
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songs and how songs are constructed is
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definitely what has influenced me more
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and how like narratives and concepts and
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whatnot are in
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like
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or written in in music i think that's
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definitely
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more so the influence than like maybe
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literature
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yeah fair enough um most of your career
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or your early career was kind of in
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lockdown when you got signed to the
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chess club and releasing your first uh
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songs and singles um how has it been
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kind of coming out of that existence as
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like a very kind of online uh musician
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like in your bedroom to being in the
11:47
real world a bit more making like making
11:49
friends with other artists and playing
11:50
live and things like that
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it's like it's such a strange feeling
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because before lockdown i was still
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playing a bit as pixie
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but it was like
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it was so different and i was playing to
12:03
like maybe like 10 people down the local
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like like the local venues and stuff and
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there's nothing wrong with that but like
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then coming back
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to honestly like three times the size
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of like those crowds and people who
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actually have listened to the music
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which is something i'd never experienced
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before and
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it was totally surreal and like kind of
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gave me a weird sense of imposter
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syndrome like i felt like i've just been
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like picked up and placed in this
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like industry and like meeting artists
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who who knew me who i listened to their
12:38
music when i was like a teenager
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or like people who i listen to now and
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they're like oh yeah pixie like
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love your music or you know
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it's just
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it's so
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i'm so grateful like it's really
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humbling
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and but also like totally surreal like i
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met ola garland and she came up and said
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hi to me and i was like
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how do you know who i am
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like the amazons as well it's just
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i've really enjoyed being on the
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festival circuit like meeting so many
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musicians this year
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because everyone's just so lovely
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and
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and so it's so exciting like it's kind
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of yeah a bit surreal when
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i'm like sat next to like inhaler or
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something i'm like i listened
13:22
it's really nuts
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you have just wrapped up your first full
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festival season how has that been for
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you kind of like moving around playing
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these different tents and fields every
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weekend and has it been like any
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particular highlights for you
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do you know that's been so fun like i've
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never had i mean this year was
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literally such a year of face it's like
13:41
the first tour and then the first
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festival season
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and
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i mean festival season in particular
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are great because it's like
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it's like you go into a little party
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where all the artists that you know are
13:55
playing and they all tend to play like
13:56
similar festivals as well
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so
13:59
get to meet and watch
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so many different people that you admire
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or that you just like
14:05
have heard of and you just want to go
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and watch it and like check them out
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but it's so exciting like
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me and my band we just
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i guess we just loved every minute of it
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i mean sometimes it's a little stressful
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because it's like the case of the line
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check
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and so you
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have no idea what you're gonna sound
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like
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and then it's funny when you're a
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smaller artist because sometimes you get
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put on on like a sunday at one where
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everyone's literally hanging out their
14:32
arse and they're in the car
14:35
or you get like an amazing sock which is
14:37
like a saturday and
14:39
like in the early sort of evening late
14:40
afternoon where everyone's just having
14:42
the best time and honestly every crowd
14:44
was
14:45
was so nice
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um
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and
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you know people came out of their way in
14:51
the festival to come and watch me which
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i was just like that's so cool
14:54
like i
14:55
found festivals and you know
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every person that comes to my gig or
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like that comes to my show i just love
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every single one of them i can't tell
15:04
you how much it means
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to me like to stand there in a crowd
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when you have no idea what to expect and
15:09
then people are there sing along and
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stuff it's it's really mad
15:13
do you have any kind of dreams for next
15:15
festival season of any places that you
15:16
really want to play
15:19
oh yeah glasses i think
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i know that's probably the most
15:25
like
15:26
i guess it's it's a very valid dream
15:28
like i think
15:30
playing at dean's class for me twice
15:32
and both times it's just my like
15:36
absolute favorite festival in the world
15:37
it's just such a lovely loving
15:40
vibe there
15:42
and the range of music
15:44
is just fantastic i mean to be a part of
15:46
that would be
15:48
would be an honor
15:50
but yeah it's been my dream since i was
15:51
like since i was watching on the telly
15:53
when i was younger it's been my dream
15:55
yeah well hopefully you can take it off
15:57
next year then
15:58
we'll see
15:59
um
16:01
how would you say that playing live and
16:02
doing festivals and things like that has
16:03
kind of changed your way that you're
16:05
approaching songwriting if it has it all
16:08
it really has do you know what i didn't
16:10
when i first got back into gigan and
16:12
everyone was like
16:13
you know how do you write your songs for
16:15
life it was something i'd never
16:17
considered in my life before
16:19
and from playing and also mainly just
16:22
watching other bands and how they
16:24
interact with the audiences and what in
16:26
your tips and tricks that they use
16:28
you know i'm understanding now i guess
16:32
what would feel good if i was watching
16:34
me in the audience so it's definitely
16:37
kind of
16:39
you know changing the way that i think
16:41
about what i want to write and also what
16:43
i enjoy
16:45
playing as well i find it like
16:49
you know sometimes when i've got these
16:50
like slower groovy songs they're really
16:51
great
16:52
but i'm finding myself adapting
16:55
what i'm writing or especially adapting
16:56
my set to like really engage with the
16:59
audience as well um which is something
17:02
when i first went into i mean the first
17:04
gig
17:05
post lockdown it's so funny to think
17:07
back on that one now
17:09
thinking about how far i've come but um
17:11
yeah i put my first like clapping
17:13
sequence in
17:16
that was the nerve-wracking thing like
17:18
as far as katie was like she was begging
17:20
me she's like lizzy you got to put this
17:21
in i was like
17:23
oh there's no way how awkward would it
17:24
be if i [ __ ] up and no one
17:28
that can happen is no one collapsed and
17:30
i was like
17:30
okay so remember the first time we did
17:32
it i think i think we did it at
17:34
shepherd's bush empire and there was
17:36
like you know over a thousand people
17:38
clapping back i just saw kate you're
17:39
looking over at me and we were like oh
17:41
yeah it was worth it
17:44
are there any fans that you've been
17:45
watching lately who have been inspiring
17:47
you to work with your own performances
17:50
well i think being on tour with alfie
17:53
that like was hugely inspiring like
17:55
watching him play and you know
18:00
yeah watching him play was just like
18:02
amazing for me and understanding how
18:04
their set works and stuff that was like
18:06
super
18:08
i guess like
18:09
it definitely transformed the way that i
18:10
approached
18:11
my gigs but i also love who else was i
18:14
watching recently
18:16
and who i thought was just amazing and
18:19
really got the crowd going
18:21
and
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oh i look savior actually i absolutely
18:26
love watching savior i mean they were
18:28
playing basically every festival that we
18:29
were playing
18:30
so i would just i think i watched the
18:32
set like three times but i didn't got
18:34
all like the way that they like
18:36
constructed the set was just so cool
18:38
and
18:39
definitely take big inspiration from
18:40
them
18:41
yeah nice a good band to take
18:43
inspiration from live definitely better
18:47
um so dreams pain and paper planes is
18:49
out very soon and you described as kind
18:52
of like a broad overview of who you are
18:53
as an artist
18:55
why did you want to use this record to
18:56
kind of explore lots of different styles
18:58
and sounds and kind of show all these
19:00
different angles of you
19:02
you know what i think it was more of a
19:04
happy accident than like a conscious
19:06
choice i kind of had like
19:08
all these songs i'd written it was
19:10
actually not even supposed to be like a
19:12
longer film project it was supposed to
19:14
be another ep
19:15
but then when i was trying to label they
19:17
were like well you've got all this music
19:20
and you know
19:21
you're probably not going to feel the
19:22
same way about this music when
19:25
you go to like your next project
19:27
so why don't we just make it a bigger
19:29
thing and we'll just put more songs on
19:31
it and
19:33
and i chose what i thought my strongest
19:35
songs at that point so um they just
19:38
happened i guess to all kind of like
19:40
genre bend but they've still got like my
19:43
sound like it still sounds like me
19:45
but it's kind of like i guess
19:49
i guess the project wasn't you know it's
19:51
not like a concept i didn't write it all
19:53
at the same time you know it's not going
19:54
to feel like an album it will feel more
19:56
like i think more like a mixtape of
19:58
anything
19:59
and certainly has like
20:01
kind of has like a beginning
20:03
like a climax and an ending
20:05
and
20:06
but yeah i think it's just it's quite
20:08
like eclectic the sounds
20:10
in the mini lp
20:12
um
20:13
but
20:14
i guess that kind of sums up what i've
20:16
kind of been doing anyway in just one
20:18
bigger project
20:20
but moving on i think
20:22
from this um it will definitely be more
20:25
of like a coherent
20:27
well thought out like
20:29
you know
20:30
more consistent sound
20:33
but i think for me this is just like
20:35
everything that i enjoy about writing
20:37
and everything that i've enjoyed about
20:38
the last few projects just put into one
20:41
bigger thing to give to give to
20:42
everybody yeah do you know what kind of
20:44
sound you want to kind of go deeper into
20:46
on the next project
20:48
yeah i do but i don't want to like give
20:50
too much away
20:52
that's fair
20:56
definitely like
20:58
i mean i'm already moving on from the lp
21:00
it's not even out yeah
21:05
you know
21:06
a well a concise con like constructed
21:10
sort of
21:11
marriage of sounds that i think have
21:13
been
21:15
have been definitely like dotted around
21:17
in my in my older stuff but i think
21:21
i bought this lp because it's like it's
21:23
everything that i can do
21:25
well
21:26
so far
21:28
as i like a producer and a songwriter
21:31
i'm really excited for it to drop
21:32
actually there's a couple of songs on
21:34
there that are really close
21:35
to my heart so i hope everyone really
21:37
likes it
21:38
what ones are the ones that are most
21:40
important to you would you say
21:42
there's a song called kids which
21:45
i mean it's definitely more laid-back
21:48
but i don't know i i think it's just one
21:50
of my
21:52
one of my favorites
21:53
um
21:54
on the on the mini lp i'm really excited
21:57
for people to hear that one
21:58
um and also there's one called uh so
22:01
just smile and i think that's like
22:05
i wrote that when i was like feeling
22:07
like in a really weird place so i think
22:10
i'm hoping that it will make sense for a
22:12
lot of people listening to it as well um
22:15
those two are actually the ones that i
22:16
wanted to talk to you about um which is
22:19
good coincidence um such a smile i was
22:21
wondering who you were talking or who
22:24
you're singing to on that song
22:26
you know what i'm saying to myself
22:28
um i think i wrote it because i was
22:31
feeling
22:32
you know it's kind of like a love letter
22:34
just
22:36
not to take things
22:38
so seriously all the time
22:40
and also to embrace those like really
22:43
i guess those dark feelings and i wanted
22:45
to put it
22:46
i wanted to package it off i think
22:48
that's there's a common theme throughout
22:49
this lp actually which is like packaging
22:51
up
22:52
like
22:53
darker feelings
22:55
with like upbeat
22:57
great beats and kind of like not you
22:59
know what you would kind of associate
23:01
with
23:02
that kind of the
23:04
i guess message in a song
23:06
and because it talks about some really
23:08
like dark feelings in that in that
23:10
particular song
23:12
and but yeah it's just it's when i wrote
23:14
it i wanted to listen back to it when i
23:16
was feeling those feelings again and
23:18
just kind of understand you know
23:21
how that it's okay and when i'm in my
23:23
bet frames mind
23:25
writing that song was was really like
23:27
therapeutic for me
23:29
um
23:30
you know i have this like thing if i get
23:33
if i get really low or if i get really
23:34
down or if things are getting a bit too
23:36
much
23:37
where i imagine like a wiser older
23:38
version of myself speaking back to me
23:41
and it kind of helps me
23:43
um manage situations and i think that
23:45
song was like a manifestation of that
23:47
where i wanted to tap into that sort of
23:50
like
23:51
older wiser version of myself that could
23:53
give me advice like what would i say if
23:56
i was like looking back on this now and
23:58
that's kind of what
24:00
that song encapsulates i think
24:02
yeah it does feel very kind of
24:03
reassuring and encouraging i think
24:06
it's good yeah
24:07
i don't want to like
24:08
shy away from sort of using words that
24:12
you know
24:13
that kind of like talk about
24:15
you know
24:16
life-ending thoughts and things like
24:18
that
24:18
because
24:20
it's so common and it's so like
24:23
weirdly taboo and i don't i just have
24:25
never understood
24:27
the kind of
24:29
i guess
24:30
the strange stigma around those
24:33
particular words i mean
24:36
i think it's really it's good to
24:39
use them
24:40
um
24:42
i guess like even just casually because
24:44
it's like you know it's okay to feel
24:45
that you need to talk about it it's fine
24:48
and also you know
24:51
yeah i think that's wrong
24:54
i get that kind of like helps remove the
24:56
stigma and makes people more open i
24:58
guess and be able to like seek help if
25:00
they need it
25:02
definitely and you know i think like
25:04
packaging it off
25:06
or like
25:07
putting it around a song that doesn't
25:08
necessarily sound like it's gonna talk
25:10
about those things
25:12
um
25:13
is kind of like taking the power back in
25:16
in a way i don't know like for me if i
25:18
listen to a really sad song when i'm
25:20
feeling down i'm like
25:22
sometimes i do it just because it feels
25:23
cathartic but
25:26
it's
25:27
like empowering myself in that time of
25:30
need
25:32
yeah i get that
25:33
um and with kids as well to me it kind
25:35
of sounds like a song about like the
25:37
anxieties and insecurities i guess of
25:39
your generation is that what you would
25:41
say it's about that's exactly what it's
25:43
about like
25:45
you know i wrote that
25:47
i think everyone like
25:49
about a year ago i mean it was just
25:50
coming off the back of the pandemic
25:54
and it's kind of the tune itself is
25:56
quite like nihilistic
25:58
it's kind of like you know i didn't ask
26:00
to be born into this world
26:04
um
26:05
i wanted it to
26:07
you know
26:08
i mean
26:09
loads of artists especially a feeling
26:11
like
26:12
you've got to be
26:14
more than just a writer you gotta be
26:15
more than just a musician
26:17
and it was kind of manifesting those
26:19
feelings
26:20
um
26:22
also
26:23
you know i guess the state of the world
26:25
at the moment is pretty like
26:28
anxiety fueling and i think it's just
26:31
that kind of like
26:33
feeling of like what what are we
26:34
supposed to do what are we meant to do
26:36
like what you want us to do in this if
26:38
it's going to be like this
26:39
um
26:41
yeah it just got pretty nihilistic to be
26:43
honest i was right
26:44
because i was feeling
26:46
stupid
26:47
like a lot of people are i think
26:49
yeah do you think that music and artists
26:51
can kind of help change that with their
26:53
songs
26:54
yeah i definitely think you know life
26:57
can imitate art and i think
26:59
if you're
27:01
you know
27:02
writing about something
27:04
it kind of gives
27:06
these situations a certain validation
27:09
for people listening so you know if
27:10
you're a kid and you can't make sense of
27:12
the world
27:13
and you know don't particularly feel
27:14
like you have anyone to talk to about it
27:16
i think music can be a really nice place
27:18
to sort of hide away and make sense of
27:19
those feelings and
27:22
and i you know i think like that anxiety
27:24
around like what who we supposed to be
27:26
what we're supposed to do the world just
27:27
feels so incredibly like
27:30
complicated and
27:31
you know it's the first time that i felt
27:33
that way after my illness kind of like
27:35
surviving there and then
27:37
having that sort of existential crisis
27:39
of like okay i survived like now
27:41
now
27:42
um so i wasn't really seeing like the
27:44
beauty in life when i wrote that song to
27:46
be honest but i think
27:48
yeah it can be
27:49
it can be such an a nice hideaway for
27:52
people who are struggling with making
27:54
sense of what's going on around them i
27:56
think knowing that sort of talking to
27:58
you
27:59
one and also like voicing
28:03
your feelings um in a different kind of
28:06
way other than in your own head
28:08
yeah absolutely
28:10
um so after this mini album is released
28:12
what is next for you what have you got
28:13
coming up for the rest of the year
28:16
um
28:17
so i think it's like
28:19
i'm not entirely sure
28:21
in terms of what's confirmed and things
28:22
like that i'm definitely going to be
28:24
doing like a few odd gigs i don't know
28:26
if i'm allowed to say which ones yeah
28:29
but
28:30
i'm already working on the next project
28:33
i have been for months now
28:35
and i love i love writing so much
28:38
and
28:39
hopefully go on another tour that would
28:41
be amazing
28:44
but for now just like
28:46
focusing on the next project
28:48
and
28:49
i feel like i'm missing something really
28:50
major here like you know
28:53
fine
28:54
she should have said that but i can't
28:56
remember right now what exactly is going
28:58
on
28:59
mainly lots of things though
29:01
yeah lots of very busy
29:05
nice well good luck with this mini album
29:07
thank you so much for talking to me
29:08
today fixie thank you so much
29:14
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